Moving on to another classic, we're learning the story of Russia's own, the famous Red Sparrow

Can this little birdie soar?

Follow us on the hashtag #WatchTheBird18

#SparrowLife #SpyLife #BirdLife #Birder #Birdie

Hello I'm Alan and I'll be commenting on this film. #WatchTheBird18

Hello Hervey here, ready to soar #WatchTheBird18

Going straight into spy maneuvers. Who could GORKY8 be? #WatchTheBird18

I believe it's Gorky 8p, you need to work on your spycraft #WatchTheBird18

As in "be at the Gorky at 8 PM"? Don't they use 24-hour time there? #WatchTheBird18

Maybe they're going to give 8 pence to a guy named Gorky #WatchTheBIrd18

Seeing a lot of red so far. #ReddestFilms #WatchTheBird18

Not seeing very many sparrows so far. #SparrowlessFilms #WatchTheBird18

A ballet movie called Red Sparrow mere years after a ballet movie named Black Swan? What's next ... Yellow Cockatoo #lol #laughs #funny #WatchTheBird18

Finally he's made it to the Gorky at 8 PM. #WatchTheBird18

After Chappaquiddick, I'm feeling very spoiling seeing a movie where things are happening and suspense/conflict/drama is occuring #WatchTheBird18

Music is great. #WatchTheBird18

Sparrow down #WatchTheBird18

Leg down #WatchTheBird18

Gorky Park! The Gorky mystery is solved. #WatchTheBird18

We're already seeing crime drama underway (pretty sure shooting at a park sidewalk is a crime) #WatchTheBird18

Looks great! #GorkyPark #Gorky8P #WatchTheBird18

Famous park (I believe it's featured at the beginning of the book The Master and Margarita) #WatchTheBird18

This dream apartment is gonna slip out of Sparrow's hands #WatchTheBird18

Love a good voice recorder. #WatchTheBird18

I'm more of an Olympus voice recorder guy, but that Sony recorder looked sick #WatchTheBird18

Unexpected cane usage! #WatchTheBird18

Love the lack of any sort of sensible escalation, this ballerina is just fucking killing people now #WatchTheBird18

The uncle has successfully activated her killer instinct. #WatchTheBird18

Step one, insinuate that you might help someone maintain her current apartment

Step two, give her a packet with some people to hit in the head with a cane

It's that simple #WatchTheBird18

Cinematography is good! #BeneCine #WatchTheBird18

Drink of the ep is Stoli vodka with Hendrick's gin. #DrinkOfTheEp #WatchTheBird18

Fun to watch Red Sparrow do her thing! #WatchTheBird18

She's much more conflicted now about her hitjob than when she hit those sauna-goers in the head with a cane, I think that's the Suite 22 factor #WatchTheBird18

Wow, her leg is in great shape again! #WatchTheBird18

It has a small imperfection #WatchTheBird18

Very significant garroting. #SignificantGarroting #WatchTheBird18

I can't tell if that guy is meant to be a creepy sex crime guy or if that's kinda standard for Russian foreplay #WatchTheBird18

Classic uncle/niece dynamic, Sparrow needs to learn that #UnclesAlwaysRight #WatchTheBird18

They've got a British woman running the Russian state training facility? #WatchTheBird18

Charlotte Rampling is kinda a bit lazier about the whole "doing a russian accent" thing than the other actors #WatchTheBird18

"Your body belongs to the state" #ClassicMovieLines #WatchTheBird18

Ooh, lockpicking class! This is fun. #WatchTheBird18

Sex pervert pop quiz class looks fun #WatchTheBird18

Very educational experience! #WatchTheBird18

I'd like to learn more about the dorm they use to house all the perverts who are used in class for live demos #WatchTheBird18

Love the giant clock TV at the CIA pool facility with a still photo of a pool as a background. #WatchTheBird18

It's very funny how sterile the CIA offices are contrasted back-to-back with the Russian seduction training facility. #WatchTheBird18

Harsh crit session

I'm really enjoying these parts, one of the better college comedies #WatchTheBird18

Katya's specialty is blunt-force smashing of naked people. #WatchTheBird18

Somehow miraculously all these blunt-force smashed people survive. #WatchTheBird18

I'll be honest, I don't think Sparrow has the juice, she's only able to bruise people with her vicious attacks #WatchTheBird18

We're being robbed of a great robes-and-diploma scene #WatchTheBird18

Would love to see THAT graduation! #WatchTheBird18

"You sent me to whore school." #ClassicMovieLines #WatchTheBird18

An hour into the movie, our two storylines intersect #wow #WatchTheBird18

Wine time! #DrinkOfTheEp #WatchTheBird18

#JoelEdgertonPornographyRundown #WatchTheBird18

I'm kinda shocked a movie this stupid and lurid is also so slow, is this for people who want titilation but also want it to seem sophisticated? Thought that was dead by 2018 #WatchTheBird18

Atomic Blonde moves much faster. #WatchTheBird18

This pool in Budapest also has a massive clock screen, although with a different background. #WatchTheBird18

"There are always stories about sparrows... Magic pussy" #ClassicMovieLines #WatchTheBird18

The movie was pretty turgid for an hour, but this dueling cat-and-mouse storyline, where the two spies both think they're tricking the other, is actually pretty fun #WatchTheBird18

Not sure if this film is seeking to make the US interests look like buttoned-up operators or prudes. #WatchTheBird18

The lockpicking skills finally come in clutch! Takes me back to our time in lockpicking class earlier in the film. #WatchTheBird18

Genuinely don't see any real real why Edgerton thinks that Sparrow is a likely double agent, it's very funny if it's just because he's horny #WatchTheBird18

"The girl is gold, I can tell!" -Edgerton #WatchTheBird18

I like that the film kinda picks up John Wick aesthetics around the edges, but nobody is doing anything fantastic at all, it's just people in rooms talking #WatchTheBird18

You're welcome, algorithm. #WatchTheBird18 [a screenshot of bsky thanking Alan for liking 10 posts, 'teaching our algorithm what you like' -ed.]

Lotta whiskey in this film. #WhiskeyFilms #WhiskyFilms #WatchTheBird18

Chivas Regal is Drink of the Ep. #DrinkOfTheEp #WatchTheBird18

Time to go to Spy City (Vienna)! #SpyCity #Vienna #WatchTheBird18

This movie has pivoted to roommate drama #WatchTheBird18

Everybody's out to get everybody now. #WatchTheBird18

Roommate drama has escalated substantially #WatchTheBird18

Roommate drama is resolved IMO. #WatchTheBird18

This movie all hinges on Uncle Ethics #WatchTheBird18

Gotta hand it to him, Edgerton making a pretty good pitch for Sparrow becoming a double agent #WatchTheBird18

Finally they engage in the briefest sex scene possible. #WatchTheBird18

Polygraph time, at last! #WatchTheBird18

It's just as Nate said — the girl is gold! #MoreLikeGoldSparrow #WatchTheBird

I'm not exactly enjoying this, but I do enjoy how this movie spends 40 minutes setting up the motivation for a trip to London, something a bond-style spy movie would have done in about twenty seconds #WatchTheBird18

Some Seedlip on the bar! That's how you know this is 2018. #DrinkOfTheEp #WatchTheBird18

Mary-Louise Parker with the first really fun performance in the movie so far #WatchTheBird18

Gotta authenticate the disks! #WatchTheBird18

I like how they're still using floppies for cutting-edge national defense stuff in 2018 #WatchTheBird

Oh right, this is the late 1990s, nvm #WatchTheBird

There's Seedlip behind the bar. This is 2018. #WatchTheBird18

Mary Louise-Parker is FUCKED #WatchTheBird18

Some very weird anamorphic distortion going on in the background of the car scene. I take back my note about good cinematography. #MalaCine #WatchTheBird18

No, this is actually great, it's a strange but effective choice to show anxiety through weird half-attempted warpo-cam (the vertigo effect) #WatchTheBird18

"Looks like Aeroflot" #ClassicMovieLines #WatchTheBird18

I for some reason don't think that she should trust the impromptu change of plans offered by the evil Hungarian pervert #WatchTheBird18

A TRIPLE AGENT! #WatchTheBird18

The Russians really need to get in on this whole polygraph thing. #WatchTheBird18

This Putin-lookalike belongs in the Uncle Hall of Shame #NotAllUncles #WatchTheBird18

Evil Hungarian pervert DOWN #WatchTheBird18

Now thinking she could be a QUADRUPLE AGENT. #QuadAgent #WatchTheBird18

What an unpleasant movie, love to watch a ballerina face nothing but unpleasant choices, be forced into effective sex slavery, and then get tortured endlessly #WatchTheBird18

Yeah but in between we get to see her bludgeon people. #BluntForceSparrow #WatchTheBird18

This Russian general seems to be German. #WatchTheBird18

Could she be a QUINTUPLE AGENT?! #QuintAgent #WatchTheBird18

The roommate killer strikes again #WatchTheBird18

This man is a wizard with the garrote. #GarroteWizard #WatchTheBird18

Could she be a SEXTUPLE AGENT? #SextupleAgent #WatchTheBird18

That should have been the name of the movie #SexSells #WatchTheBird18

If they wanted the mole's name from him, why couldn't they have just kidnapped and tortured him from the beginning? #WatchTheBird18

SEXTUPLE AGENT CONFIRMED! #SextupleAgentItIs #WatchTheBird18

Lotta great "slicing sound" foley work here #WatchTheBird18

Based on previous similar bludgeoning scenes, we should fully expect the skin graft guy to walk away from this with a few bandages. #WatchTheBird18

Could she be a SENTUPLE AGENT?! #SentupleAgent #WatchTheBird18

"I am the mole." - Jeremy Irons, the Mole #ClassicMovieLines #WatchTheBird18

Ooooooh, she's about to be an OCTUPLE AGENT! #OctupleAgent #WatchTheBird18

Oh no, The Mole is in trouble. #ByeByeMole #WatchTheBird18

Last thing this Mole's gonna see before seeing bye-bye #WatchTheBird18 [originally embedded, a blurry image of Anderson Cooper in The Mole (ABC, 2001) -ed.]

The anti-uncle long game #WatchTheBird18

Got him! #WatchTheBird18

Uncle down #WatchTheBird18

Moles++ #AnotherMole #WatchTheBird18

The dream: to be celebrated in state, with The Mole and your Whore School professor looking on approvingly #WatchTheBird18

Dour and slow, too many twist and turns (but also all in the last fifteen minutes)

Generally baffled this was released in 2018, this feels like a sleepy and mostly inept mid-tier movie from like 1987

Not a good earful selection #WatchTheBird